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Archive for June 5th, 2012

A Senate re-election announcement you’ll never hear

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A make-up woman brushes a small lock of my hair so it drapes slightly over my forehead. That errant wisp tested well with focus groups of women. I glance at the TelePrompter, reciting silently the first few lines. My administrative aide, a former K Street lobbyist doing a two-year turn of “public service” before returning to her high six-figure income, reminds me to at least act humble. The director raises his hand: “five, four, three, two …” and points to me. I begin to speak to the millions of registered voters in my state.

Good evening, my fellow Americans. I’m here tonight to announce that I will seek re-election to another term as your United States senator. I’d like to tell you why it’s important that you return me to a fourth term in office.

I have accumulated power on the Hill. Thanks to the hundreds of $5,000 checks I’ve given from my leadership PAC over the past 18 years to incumbents and challengers favored by our party, I have become influential. During this term, because our party finally enjoys majority power, I have been named chair of the Senate Appropriations Committee. That means I can assure you that federal spending in our district will increase. (I smile briefly.) Yes, I know: Earmarks are frowned upon these days. I don’t need them. I can make calls to the heads of federal agencies, who are worried about their own budgets, and suggest to them that contracts be awarded to companies in our district — or their own budgets might take a hit.
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Written by Dr. Denny Wilkins

June 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Posted in Uncategorized